Lord, You have my heart

Lord, You have my heart and I will search for Yours.  This has been my prayer today.  I have long known that my Jesus, longs to have my heart - in its entirety.  This has been a daily decision ever since I became aware that my heart was severed at best.  It seems that my days are often so busy that I seem to slowly be taking fragments of my heart out of the Masters' Hands and giving them to others without His consent.

Yes, an even more difficult battle is finding the heart of my Savior.  As of recent it has become my priority to not only be known by God but to make Him known (as we are commanded.)  I know, I know, theology student, shouldn't this have been my priority forever, not just recently? I'm doing my best. . . but at times I fail.

The daily challenges of my job are enough to make ones' head spin, the things presented are so not in what I would consider to be "the norm."  I have found myself at an absolute loss more times than I can count and can offer nothing more than the only thing I know, that when put in the arms of Jesus, nothing is too big.

It is with a heavy heart that I write this post.  As of May 1st, our new program director joined the family at the Ranch with his wife and lovely children.  I have spent very little time with this new family as of yet but looked forward for opportunities to get to know them.  Having moved up here from Texas, I'm sure they have very few friends here in NY and could use some welcoming support.

On Saturday morning, I received the news via my partner at work that the program director and his wife had suddenly lost their daughter on Friday morning in a hunting accident.  In preparation for the completeness of their move, the family had decided to allow their 9-year-old daughter to have one last hunting trip with her grandfather.  She was killed in an accident while hunting and died on the way to the hospital.

My thoughts and prayers have remained with this family since first hearing about it.  Quite literally, all my partner and I could do upon hearing the news was sit down and pray for the family.  It seems that in times like these, when unanswerable questions rise, all that can be said is the Name of Jesus.  "When you can't find the words to say, say the Name" is a song we used to sing at my beloved Garden Grove Church where I interned at as a college student.  Yes, searching for the heart of God in the most difficult circumstances is almost involuntary . . . it's a natural instinct.  But more than anything else, it is comforting to know that my heart is sealed in Him.