The winds of change are indeed blowing! About four weeks ago on facebook I posted this as my status and it had various meanings as I was contemplating several life changes. First, my idea to move out, to a one bedroom apartment where I would be room-mateless (which I so wanted!) Second, to quit my day job as a secretary at the lutheran church I work at (the fifteen hours a week didn't seem like much on paper, but added to my 40+ hour work week at the ranch, my private music students, and bartending it was all just too much!) And thirdly, the idea to pursue my Master's Degree.
Ah, so many changes! The seasons change and like it, so do I. Well, first things first, as of October 1st I need to be out of my house; two of my housemates are moving out and the owner wants to renovate it into a 1-family rental instead of a share house. Thus, I have been apartment housing (stalking craigslist, etc.) like it's my full-time job (which, I have been doing at my part-time job!) It seems that to find a great apartment is as daunting of a task as finding a great man; all the good ones seem to be taken leaving one with whatever's left - usually scruffy, dingy, dusty, or just dank. I have three leads this weekend so please pray for me! I have unique needs as I have the three cats that I rescued two years ago and I would really rather be in an apartment than in a shared house.
Secondly, I put my two-weeks notice in at my part-time job about three weeks ago. The pastor accepted it (reluctantly) and asked that I stay untill he return from vacation . . . which he will next Wednesday. HUMPH! So, I will be working four weeks after my two-weeks notice was given but that's ok, extra rent $$$$$. I have enjoyed working at the church and wouldn't leave except for I need some down time for my own sanity, it's so necessary. I want my life back and I think this is a step in the right direction.
Thirdly, my Master's Degree will be in Social Work; I am looking to go to a local university that has an excellent program in the field and I have had several coworkers go through it and rave about it. My intention is to apply for the Fall 2012 school year - stay tuned!
Lastly, I joined a gym! Woohooo! While I have always been into athletics I've never been much of a gym person. I enjoy working out . . . if it's not for the sole purpose of working out (hence the beach, sports, marathons for charity, etc.) But after trying to run outdoors in the heat waves that we've had this past summer I decided that it was time, time to, gasp, join the dreaded g-word. Except! I LOVE MY GYM! I joined the local Planet Fitness for a whopping $10.00 a month and I LOVE IT! I don't currently go as much as I would like to as my 70 hour work week prohibits anything extra-curricular, but by the end of next week, I will be back to a normal, healthy, 45 hour work week and the gym will be more frequent!
I know I already said lastly and in continuing I sound like a pentacostal pastor (you know the type, that consistantly says, "in closing," which means you have another twenty minutes of the message minimum) but hey! I have my degree in theology and am pentacostal, so for this once, I will allow it (no offense to any pentacostal pastors out there, I say this completely in love!) I am so thankful for the people God has placed in my life recently. I have a new friend at work who has come to us by way of volunteering for the summer and has up and decided to move out here and work at the ranch full-time! I love her dearly, she provides the iron-sharpens-iron Christ-like relationship that I've been needing in my life and . . . well I could go on and on but I won't!
So with all of this change and gratitude, let me just say - if you're unhappy with your life, do something to change it! Ask God for guidance! And to quote a phrase that my mother frequently uses from scripture, "You have not because you ask not." I mean really, if we cannot go before the throne room of God to make our requests, who can we ask? Precisely my point. Enjoy your day, your holiday weekend, and your life - enjoy it now because it slips through your fingers as quickly as water . . . as quickly as the seasons change. *smile*
Loving life, dedicated to Christ, newlywed, foodie, social worker, and so much more! I write about the things that spice up life.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Love me or leave me alone
This post inspired by a dear friend from my days at college. I will never cease to be amazed by how God works and weaves people so intricately. While milling through the random facebook status' I saw a update from this particular friend (Andre Henry, if you don't know him, you're missing out) with a link to one of his new songs. (click the link, download the song, tell others about it - this is what art is: http://andrehenrymusic.bandcamp.com/track/love-me-or-leave-me-alone?autoplay=true
)
I digress. If you know me you know that my mind bounces between two topics at all times; Jesus and love. The two are typically intertwined (in fact I'm not sure I can think of them separately anymore.) At the ripe old age of 24, reflecting on love is different than it ever has been before. Looking at relationships, examining, disecting (tragically,) and ultimately covering them in prayer has become commonplace. I use the word "relationships" allot but in this particular avenue I mean romantic relationships and for this one post, I will be as honest as I can with you . . . ready?
In the past I have been rather callous about romantic love - in any other facet of life I love freely and unconditionally but when it comes to the kind of love you offer someone you're seriously dating, I'm guarded. I believe it's a culmination of my history with men (which I have never completely let my walls down with any one man) and the fact that I really only want to give my heart entirely to one human person; the one I marry.
With this sentiment in mind, dating becomes a jungle-gym of obstacles. I believe in dating, I think it's an important component in figuring out what you want in the person you're going to spend forever with. This list is edited daily in my mind as both incredibly Godly examples are conveyed and some really horrible examples present themselves, "Yes, I definitely want that trait in my man!" or "Lord, please don't let my future spouse ever even consider such things!" So on this playground of feelings, emotions, and covenants made long ago between me and my Creator - where do I stand?
The song above states it the best, love me or leave me alone. At this particular juncture in my life I'm not even sure that it's healthy to entertain anything less. Please note: this is not a declaration that I have found anyone that I want to share such serious feelings with but a brief moment where I am comfortable being as a honest as I can about the topic. For this once I have allowed my heart to speak without my head intervening or editing because my head lives in the land of, "you're 24, have fun while you can like everyone says you should, because marriage is forever." My gut lies somewhere inbetween the two - between wanting forever with someone now and realizing I may not be ready for that, between wanting to be loved and wanting to be left alone and learning to accept being torn between the two. I have lived the lyrics of this song in the past - I used to know exactly what I wanted and now I'm not so sure, there I said it . . . and so, the journey continues.
)
I digress. If you know me you know that my mind bounces between two topics at all times; Jesus and love. The two are typically intertwined (in fact I'm not sure I can think of them separately anymore.) At the ripe old age of 24, reflecting on love is different than it ever has been before. Looking at relationships, examining, disecting (tragically,) and ultimately covering them in prayer has become commonplace. I use the word "relationships" allot but in this particular avenue I mean romantic relationships and for this one post, I will be as honest as I can with you . . . ready?
In the past I have been rather callous about romantic love - in any other facet of life I love freely and unconditionally but when it comes to the kind of love you offer someone you're seriously dating, I'm guarded. I believe it's a culmination of my history with men (which I have never completely let my walls down with any one man) and the fact that I really only want to give my heart entirely to one human person; the one I marry.
With this sentiment in mind, dating becomes a jungle-gym of obstacles. I believe in dating, I think it's an important component in figuring out what you want in the person you're going to spend forever with. This list is edited daily in my mind as both incredibly Godly examples are conveyed and some really horrible examples present themselves, "Yes, I definitely want that trait in my man!" or "Lord, please don't let my future spouse ever even consider such things!" So on this playground of feelings, emotions, and covenants made long ago between me and my Creator - where do I stand?
The song above states it the best, love me or leave me alone. At this particular juncture in my life I'm not even sure that it's healthy to entertain anything less. Please note: this is not a declaration that I have found anyone that I want to share such serious feelings with but a brief moment where I am comfortable being as a honest as I can about the topic. For this once I have allowed my heart to speak without my head intervening or editing because my head lives in the land of, "you're 24, have fun while you can like everyone says you should, because marriage is forever." My gut lies somewhere inbetween the two - between wanting forever with someone now and realizing I may not be ready for that, between wanting to be loved and wanting to be left alone and learning to accept being torn between the two. I have lived the lyrics of this song in the past - I used to know exactly what I wanted and now I'm not so sure, there I said it . . . and so, the journey continues.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Some Enchanted Evening . . .
Have you ever wondered who first decided that a week should begin on Sunday? I have always lived my life as Monday as the first day of the week but for all intensive purposes, at least for this post, we will begin the week as Sunday.
This Sunday had special meaning to me. Sunday, July 31st, 2011 is the 13th anniversary of my grandmother's death. Mind you, I have two grandmothers, one living, and one only alive in heaven - the one who is still on this earth I am not especially close to. My dearly departed grandmother, Carol, was my maternal grandmother (my mother's mother) and we always called her Grandma (my other grandmother we refer to as "Nana.") I have met allot of people in my time and aside from my mother, my grandmother is hands down the most fascinating and extraordinary person I have ever had the privilege of knowing. Her passing left a giant void in my life and an irreplacable hole in my heart; I miss her every time I think about her - she's the only person who's ever died that it actually physically hurts to remember.
That being said, in this post I choose to remember the wonderful and not the painful. Grandma and Papa (her husband who is still alive) were and still are my heroes; they had a marriage that survives outside of time and space and this is their story.
Grandma was from Brooklyn, NY and her family (back in the 50's) lived in one of "the old neighborhood(s)" as she would call it. Everybody knew everybody; kids played stick ball in the street and were summoned in for dinner from the windows of their apartment buildings as their mothers would stick their heads out. Grandma always spoke of Brooklyn fondly and very much called it home. Grandma came from a long line of fisherman and in the summer months her whole family (her parents, brother, and sister) would pack up and go out to the hamptons for the summer. Mind you, this was before the hamptons were glitzy and only for the rich and famous.
Papa is from Eastern Long Island (where I currently live) and his family raised him out here. Papa also came from a long line of fishermen and being an island boy, he spent most of his days at the beach. Ah the roaring 50's, a time where swing dancing was very much still alive.
My grandparents met one summer that my grandmother came out to the hamptons. Grandma had decided to join a few of her friends in a night out at a local swing dance club. Papa had similarly decided to go to this club, which is now called "The Beach Bar" and exists to this day. Grandma had filled out her dance card almost completely (yes, back then there were dance cards!) when she decided to take a break and rest against the wall. While she rested against the wall, she was people watching when suddenly, across the dance floor, she saw Papa. Their eyes met, it was fate, and from that moment they knew it would be forever (these are their words and their story, hollywood could do it no better.) My grandfather, never being short of courage, asked my grandmother to dance and from that point on she danced with noone else. They frequented many other places that summer but for as far back as I remember my grandparents always cited that first night as "the night" they would never forget.
For those of you who have seen South Pacific, there is a song called, "Some Enchanted Evening." My grandparents both claim that song as their song because it really is the story of how they met, "some enchanted evening, you may see a stranger, across a crowded room" and they followed the song's advice, to never let eachother go. How romantic is that?
Now mind you, their marriage had its ups and downs (some very high ups and some very dismal downs) but no matter what, they never forgot what brought them together. That story carried them through when my grandfather was shipped off in the Navy. It continued on their anniversary in Hawaii where they had special pearl divers make them four beautiful individual jewelry pieces that my brother and I inherited (two pieces for me and two pieces for Johnny's future wife.)
You see, my grandmother was allot of things and one of them was thoughtful! She knew that she may not be around to meet my older brother's future spouse or my own but she prayed for them, every day. She also set aside special heirlooms for them so that even if they couldn't meet her, they would have something to link them to our family and especially to her. When I get married, my husband will have Papa's wedding ring and when Johnny gets married his wife will have Grandma's wedding ring.
I pray that I grow up to be even half the amazing woman that my grandmother was in her short 59 years of life. She left her mark on this earth and touched everyone that she ever met. Tonight I leave you with the lyrics to their song; the story of their meeting . . . but the story of their life together lives on in me. I hope to one day experience what they felt for myself in my own incredible romantic story. Untill then . . .
"Some enchanted evening
You may see a stranger,
you may see a stranger
Across a crowded room
And somehow you know,
You know even then
That somewhere you'll see her
Again and again.
Some enchanted evening
Someone may be laughin',
You may hear her laughin'
Across a crowded room
And night after night,
As strange as it seems
The sound of her laughter
Will sing in your dreams.
Who can explain it?
Who can tell you why?
Fools give you reasons,
Wise men never try.
Some enchanted evening
When you find your true love,
When you feel her call you
Across a crowded room,
Then fly to her side,
And make her your own
For all through your life you
May dream all alone.
Once you have found her,
Never let her go.
Once you have found her,
Never let her go!"
This Sunday had special meaning to me. Sunday, July 31st, 2011 is the 13th anniversary of my grandmother's death. Mind you, I have two grandmothers, one living, and one only alive in heaven - the one who is still on this earth I am not especially close to. My dearly departed grandmother, Carol, was my maternal grandmother (my mother's mother) and we always called her Grandma (my other grandmother we refer to as "Nana.") I have met allot of people in my time and aside from my mother, my grandmother is hands down the most fascinating and extraordinary person I have ever had the privilege of knowing. Her passing left a giant void in my life and an irreplacable hole in my heart; I miss her every time I think about her - she's the only person who's ever died that it actually physically hurts to remember.
That being said, in this post I choose to remember the wonderful and not the painful. Grandma and Papa (her husband who is still alive) were and still are my heroes; they had a marriage that survives outside of time and space and this is their story.
Grandma was from Brooklyn, NY and her family (back in the 50's) lived in one of "the old neighborhood(s)" as she would call it. Everybody knew everybody; kids played stick ball in the street and were summoned in for dinner from the windows of their apartment buildings as their mothers would stick their heads out. Grandma always spoke of Brooklyn fondly and very much called it home. Grandma came from a long line of fisherman and in the summer months her whole family (her parents, brother, and sister) would pack up and go out to the hamptons for the summer. Mind you, this was before the hamptons were glitzy and only for the rich and famous.
Papa is from Eastern Long Island (where I currently live) and his family raised him out here. Papa also came from a long line of fishermen and being an island boy, he spent most of his days at the beach. Ah the roaring 50's, a time where swing dancing was very much still alive.
My grandparents met one summer that my grandmother came out to the hamptons. Grandma had decided to join a few of her friends in a night out at a local swing dance club. Papa had similarly decided to go to this club, which is now called "The Beach Bar" and exists to this day. Grandma had filled out her dance card almost completely (yes, back then there were dance cards!) when she decided to take a break and rest against the wall. While she rested against the wall, she was people watching when suddenly, across the dance floor, she saw Papa. Their eyes met, it was fate, and from that moment they knew it would be forever (these are their words and their story, hollywood could do it no better.) My grandfather, never being short of courage, asked my grandmother to dance and from that point on she danced with noone else. They frequented many other places that summer but for as far back as I remember my grandparents always cited that first night as "the night" they would never forget.
For those of you who have seen South Pacific, there is a song called, "Some Enchanted Evening." My grandparents both claim that song as their song because it really is the story of how they met, "some enchanted evening, you may see a stranger, across a crowded room" and they followed the song's advice, to never let eachother go. How romantic is that?
Now mind you, their marriage had its ups and downs (some very high ups and some very dismal downs) but no matter what, they never forgot what brought them together. That story carried them through when my grandfather was shipped off in the Navy. It continued on their anniversary in Hawaii where they had special pearl divers make them four beautiful individual jewelry pieces that my brother and I inherited (two pieces for me and two pieces for Johnny's future wife.)
You see, my grandmother was allot of things and one of them was thoughtful! She knew that she may not be around to meet my older brother's future spouse or my own but she prayed for them, every day. She also set aside special heirlooms for them so that even if they couldn't meet her, they would have something to link them to our family and especially to her. When I get married, my husband will have Papa's wedding ring and when Johnny gets married his wife will have Grandma's wedding ring.
I pray that I grow up to be even half the amazing woman that my grandmother was in her short 59 years of life. She left her mark on this earth and touched everyone that she ever met. Tonight I leave you with the lyrics to their song; the story of their meeting . . . but the story of their life together lives on in me. I hope to one day experience what they felt for myself in my own incredible romantic story. Untill then . . .
"Some enchanted evening
You may see a stranger,
you may see a stranger
Across a crowded room
And somehow you know,
You know even then
That somewhere you'll see her
Again and again.
Some enchanted evening
Someone may be laughin',
You may hear her laughin'
Across a crowded room
And night after night,
As strange as it seems
The sound of her laughter
Will sing in your dreams.
Who can explain it?
Who can tell you why?
Fools give you reasons,
Wise men never try.
Some enchanted evening
When you find your true love,
When you feel her call you
Across a crowded room,
Then fly to her side,
And make her your own
For all through your life you
May dream all alone.
Once you have found her,
Never let her go.
Once you have found her,
Never let her go!"
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)