I'm learning the art of acceptance. Let me rephrase; Jesus is trying to teach me the art of acceptance - and I am (although seemingly fighting Him tooth and nail) learning.
For as long as I can remember, I've wanted more. Dreams have always been more than just remote fantasies to me, although they occupy my free time and my "fun thoughts" they have always driven me to be something . . . more. Everyday, I wake up with anticipation for what the day will bring - where my Jesus will take me, what interesting people I may meet, what conversations I might be lead to. It always makes me a little antsy and excited!
My mom has always been a "doer" I only have a few memories of her ever sitting quietly . . . although those memories are all filled with her reading or praying. See, even when she just sat, she was doing something. Even though I know we're different people, I realize more and more each day how like my mother I am. I'm happy to become more like her; she is such a wise woman and my later statements should not reflect her busy-ness in any negative way, they are my own short-comings. Now that my career seems to be establishing itself nicely and I am doing what I love to do, it seems that my focus is shifting to the other parts of my life that are not as complete.
In these few moments, these brief fragments of realization, I think about what I'm doing. I mean really, what am I doing? Am I enjoying the wonderful gifts that God has given me with the opportunity to work with these boys? Or, am I checking this off the "to do" list and moving on? Please don't misunderstand me, I am utterly thankful for where I am and have expressed that vehemently . . . it's just . . . am I living in the joy or am I budgeting time to enjoy this season of my life in my downtime from fretting over everything else.
This will remain brief but just a note (really for myself but maybe to contribute to your life as well) . . . . are you thoroughly enjoying your life? Where you are right now? And not necessarily where you will be if you get the job, the promotion, that wonderful soulmate walks into your life, or the kids finally start behaving . . . . are you enjoying where you are right now? Take time for the joy, learn to accept :-)
Loving life, dedicated to Christ, newlywed, foodie, social worker, and so much more! I write about the things that spice up life.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Life right now . . .
New post, day 2 of this experiment. Currently listening to: "22" by Lily Allen (via Pandora, Jesus loves you Pandora!) Funny that I didn't find this song untill I was 23; this is one of my idiosyncresies, I like listening to music that mentions my particular age in it. For example, March 16 2010 I listened to "Let That Be Enough" by Switchfoot over and over. You see, it was love at first listen (which I would say was about a decade ago?) with this song, and there's a line that says, "it's my birthday tomorrow, noone here could know, I was born this Thursday 22 years ago." Thus, I have waited years to be able to sing these lines and have them be truthful to my life . . . yes, I'm a dork. Anyway, what makes me laugh about the afore-mentioned song by Ms. Allen is that it talks all about this girl who is being told that she was young at 22 but now that she's 30 she's old and her life is pretty much over . . . why didn't I hear it untill THIS year (now that I'm 23?)
Moving on. In reading the Yahoo news (which has been a bit routine with me every morning) I stumbled upon an article about this lady's blog: http://newdressaday.wordpress.com . Her name is Marisa and she totally inspires me, basically, she has given herself the challenge of creating once ugly thrift store/garage sale dresses into beautiful chic dresses. The catch? A dress a day, for 365 days, for only $1 in budget per day (totalling $365 at the end of the year.) She's brilliant and I am blessed to have found this blog which I am sure I will be reading regularly now because the story tickled me (as opposed to most of the mundane articles in the news today.)
In other news, yesterday, August 17, 2010 was my big brother's birthday, he celebrated 26 years of life. I should have really put this in my blog yesterday . . . I'm a failure, I'm sorry. We celebrated last night with the male parental unit and a few friends at a local spot that we go to every Tuesday night; fun times had by all.
Did I mention I have three cats? I don't think I did. Yes, Aurora (named after my favorite {and in my opinion the most beautiful} disney princess,) Alice, and Jasper. Alice and Jasper (named after my two favorite characters from Twilight) are brother and sister, Aurora is their mother and the three of them are absolutely beautiful! I rescued Aurora last year after she had been abandoned for God knows how long by her previous owners. A & J had a vet appointment yesterday *snicker* they basically shaved Jasper's beautiful bushy tail off and now he looks at me like I'm the anti-Christ.
My life never ceases to be entertaining . . .
Vivimos para glorificar Tu Nombre
Moving on. In reading the Yahoo news (which has been a bit routine with me every morning) I stumbled upon an article about this lady's blog: http://newdressaday.wordpress.com . Her name is Marisa and she totally inspires me, basically, she has given herself the challenge of creating once ugly thrift store/garage sale dresses into beautiful chic dresses. The catch? A dress a day, for 365 days, for only $1 in budget per day (totalling $365 at the end of the year.) She's brilliant and I am blessed to have found this blog which I am sure I will be reading regularly now because the story tickled me (as opposed to most of the mundane articles in the news today.)
In other news, yesterday, August 17, 2010 was my big brother's birthday, he celebrated 26 years of life. I should have really put this in my blog yesterday . . . I'm a failure, I'm sorry. We celebrated last night with the male parental unit and a few friends at a local spot that we go to every Tuesday night; fun times had by all.
Did I mention I have three cats? I don't think I did. Yes, Aurora (named after my favorite {and in my opinion the most beautiful} disney princess,) Alice, and Jasper. Alice and Jasper (named after my two favorite characters from Twilight) are brother and sister, Aurora is their mother and the three of them are absolutely beautiful! I rescued Aurora last year after she had been abandoned for God knows how long by her previous owners. A & J had a vet appointment yesterday *snicker* they basically shaved Jasper's beautiful bushy tail off and now he looks at me like I'm the anti-Christ.
My life never ceases to be entertaining . . .
Vivimos para glorificar Tu Nombre
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
True love is a journey
So here I am, first blog entry. I've been holding off on creating one of these because I've never been really good at committing to journaling or anything to that effect. However, every time I do write something I feel like a huge creative high and I always benefit from it. So, here I am . . . let's see how long this lasts, shall we?
My life right now pretty much looks like this. I'm 23 years old, a baby by most standards, been out of college for almost two and a half years, currently working at what I pretty much would consider my dream job. It took allot to get me here . . . this job by no means fell into my lap post-commencement ceremony, it took allot of steps of faith and what seemed to be idiotic decisions at the time. So let's do a little time travelling to see how I got here.
It's April 2008, the end of my senior year of college at Southeastern University (which was year five total for me as I did a year of part-time at a local community college.) I'm just barely 21 years old and pretty much scared out of my mind. The majority of my friends have plans for their immediate lives; most of them are getting married, some of them have jobs lined up, and then there's me . . . the minority. I have a job opportunity to go to Australia and work with the Hillsong church; please don't misunderstand, this was not a job offer, this was a shot in the dark. A friend of a friend works for Hillsong United and I was given his number at the end of my ministerial internship summer of 2007 with the instructions to, "sure, give him a call, maybe he'll be able to point you in the right direction." . . . ok . . .
Australia had allot of prospects for me; I sincerely admire the work that Hillsong United does. After being on a tour team for the better part of two years, I fell in love with the road, ministry with teenagers through worship teams, and the comradery of being in a travelling band. Hillsong seemed like a really great idea, I could pursue the dream that God had given me of working with teenagers with a Christ-centered attitude. The only catch was . . . I didn't really want to work in a church, I'd been there, done that, loved it, but felt like that season of my life was meant to be just that - a season. Australia had other perks; a really good friend of mine whom I had been entertaining the idea of a relationship with lived there. Auss also has some of the most beautiful landscape and intense surf in the world, I've always been fascinated by it. To sum up; awesome job, awesome guy, incredible place to live . . . all seeming to work right?
Here's the cliff Christy, you can jump in faith and trust that this is what God wants . . . this is what I told myself over and over. The only trouble is that I've always relied on the discernment that God has given me; when my spirit isn't ok with something, as a rule of thumb I follow what it's telling me. Needless to say, my spirit was not ok with this decision (no matter how long I frustratingly tried to convince it otherwise!) Why? This all seemed to work out on paper, what's the deal?
Graduation day: I walk across the podium, shake Dr. Rutland's hand and when he says, "preach the word" with a smile on his face, I reply, "I will, I promise" with tears in my eyes. No idea where I'm going from here . . . not to Australia . . . back home? Really? I came to this place at this time to what . . . go back to spiritually dead Long Island? And do what there? Work in a church, no, I don't want to do that. Ok, your degree is in Practical Theology and you're going to do what with that? This was the question *everyone* was asking me to which I would smile and reply, "not sure yet, I just know that this is where God has me now . . . can I get you another drink?" as I step back behind the bar. Yep, you got it, bartending from summer of 2008 - november of 2009.
***to interject during this time period I did allot of soul-searching and allot of growing up and figured out that this indeed was where I was meant to be, here, on Long Island, I just didn't know doing what. Oh . . . and the guy in Australia? We're good friends and now he's married to a very nice girl. ***
Here we are, November of 2009, been out of school for a little over a year now, my last bartending job ended two months ago, on craigslist every day, looking for some form of job that isn't the restaurant bizz. I come across an ad for an Executive Assistant position in my town and I figure, why the heck not? I've been on craigslist for the past 8 months to no avail, I'm currently unemployed and this could work. After a series of lame interviews and lack-luster positions I take a breath and send in my resume to this no-name job offer to which I get a response in a little less than an hour. I interviewed later that week and for the second time in my life I felt this feeling . . . this feeling of this is exactly where God wants me to be, right here, right now (the first time I felt this was my visit to SEU.) Ok, great feeling but this is only an interview . . . don't get your hopes up. Leaving the interview I called my mom crying which came as kind of a surprise to her, our usual post-interview convo went something like this . . . mom: "hi sweety, how did the interview go" me: "*sigh* meh, alright I guess . . ." The convo after this particular interview, me crying saying, "mom, if I don't get this job, I'm going to lose it, I just know this is where God wants me." So good ol' mom prayed and I then enlisted (via text) all of my friends to petition the throne that I get this job.
I get a phone call about 20 minutes after the interview, "hello Christiana? Hi, it's (insert name here) from your interview. I just spoke with the Executive Director and he would really like to have you come in for a second interview this week." . . . I think I gushed so much at that second interview that my now boss probably thought I was on drugs. What do I like about your organization? Everything (insert prattle for about fifteen minutes in one breath.)
So here I am, working at a non-profit organization that houses *get this* at-risk teenage boys and fosters them for a year in a *get this* Christ-centered environment.
Hello? Christy? It's God, yep, I'm that good, just thought I'd remind you, ya moron.
It's August 17, 2010 and I work as an executive assistant mon-fri and mentoring specialist on the weekends at the same place. The place where God has called me. The place that He had in mind the whole time I was freaking out. Know what else? I've used everything I learned during my time at Southeastern and at the church I worked at. Amazing! Not only that, working with these boys has taught me what I thought was unattainable; unconditional love. It's crazy, I tell my mom almost every day, I've never loved anyone before like I love these kids. It's like Jesus just leaves His fingerprints all over their faces, they're undeniably beautiful, and His handywork is unfathomably awe-striking. You know that this is *the place* when you don't want to go home and all you want to do is spend all your free time here. Oh and get this, I actually get paid for what I got my degree in. Who woulda thunk it?
Many tears, months of unemployment, loads of uncertainty, a broken heart, dreams seemingly dashed, many many many conversations of second-guessing my decision to come back to Long Island, and one incredibly faithful God (and wonderful friends/family that put up with me through that valley and helped put back the pieces of my broken heart.)
I'm 23, a baby by most standards . . . and life has really just begun for me, all over again. :-)
Vivimos para glorificar Tu Nombre
My life right now pretty much looks like this. I'm 23 years old, a baby by most standards, been out of college for almost two and a half years, currently working at what I pretty much would consider my dream job. It took allot to get me here . . . this job by no means fell into my lap post-commencement ceremony, it took allot of steps of faith and what seemed to be idiotic decisions at the time. So let's do a little time travelling to see how I got here.
It's April 2008, the end of my senior year of college at Southeastern University (which was year five total for me as I did a year of part-time at a local community college.) I'm just barely 21 years old and pretty much scared out of my mind. The majority of my friends have plans for their immediate lives; most of them are getting married, some of them have jobs lined up, and then there's me . . . the minority. I have a job opportunity to go to Australia and work with the Hillsong church; please don't misunderstand, this was not a job offer, this was a shot in the dark. A friend of a friend works for Hillsong United and I was given his number at the end of my ministerial internship summer of 2007 with the instructions to, "sure, give him a call, maybe he'll be able to point you in the right direction." . . . ok . . .
Australia had allot of prospects for me; I sincerely admire the work that Hillsong United does. After being on a tour team for the better part of two years, I fell in love with the road, ministry with teenagers through worship teams, and the comradery of being in a travelling band. Hillsong seemed like a really great idea, I could pursue the dream that God had given me of working with teenagers with a Christ-centered attitude. The only catch was . . . I didn't really want to work in a church, I'd been there, done that, loved it, but felt like that season of my life was meant to be just that - a season. Australia had other perks; a really good friend of mine whom I had been entertaining the idea of a relationship with lived there. Auss also has some of the most beautiful landscape and intense surf in the world, I've always been fascinated by it. To sum up; awesome job, awesome guy, incredible place to live . . . all seeming to work right?
Here's the cliff Christy, you can jump in faith and trust that this is what God wants . . . this is what I told myself over and over. The only trouble is that I've always relied on the discernment that God has given me; when my spirit isn't ok with something, as a rule of thumb I follow what it's telling me. Needless to say, my spirit was not ok with this decision (no matter how long I frustratingly tried to convince it otherwise!) Why? This all seemed to work out on paper, what's the deal?
Graduation day: I walk across the podium, shake Dr. Rutland's hand and when he says, "preach the word" with a smile on his face, I reply, "I will, I promise" with tears in my eyes. No idea where I'm going from here . . . not to Australia . . . back home? Really? I came to this place at this time to what . . . go back to spiritually dead Long Island? And do what there? Work in a church, no, I don't want to do that. Ok, your degree is in Practical Theology and you're going to do what with that? This was the question *everyone* was asking me to which I would smile and reply, "not sure yet, I just know that this is where God has me now . . . can I get you another drink?" as I step back behind the bar. Yep, you got it, bartending from summer of 2008 - november of 2009.
***to interject during this time period I did allot of soul-searching and allot of growing up and figured out that this indeed was where I was meant to be, here, on Long Island, I just didn't know doing what. Oh . . . and the guy in Australia? We're good friends and now he's married to a very nice girl. ***
Here we are, November of 2009, been out of school for a little over a year now, my last bartending job ended two months ago, on craigslist every day, looking for some form of job that isn't the restaurant bizz. I come across an ad for an Executive Assistant position in my town and I figure, why the heck not? I've been on craigslist for the past 8 months to no avail, I'm currently unemployed and this could work. After a series of lame interviews and lack-luster positions I take a breath and send in my resume to this no-name job offer to which I get a response in a little less than an hour. I interviewed later that week and for the second time in my life I felt this feeling . . . this feeling of this is exactly where God wants me to be, right here, right now (the first time I felt this was my visit to SEU.) Ok, great feeling but this is only an interview . . . don't get your hopes up. Leaving the interview I called my mom crying which came as kind of a surprise to her, our usual post-interview convo went something like this . . . mom: "hi sweety, how did the interview go" me: "*sigh* meh, alright I guess . . ." The convo after this particular interview, me crying saying, "mom, if I don't get this job, I'm going to lose it, I just know this is where God wants me." So good ol' mom prayed and I then enlisted (via text) all of my friends to petition the throne that I get this job.
I get a phone call about 20 minutes after the interview, "hello Christiana? Hi, it's (insert name here) from your interview. I just spoke with the Executive Director and he would really like to have you come in for a second interview this week." . . . I think I gushed so much at that second interview that my now boss probably thought I was on drugs. What do I like about your organization? Everything (insert prattle for about fifteen minutes in one breath.)
So here I am, working at a non-profit organization that houses *get this* at-risk teenage boys and fosters them for a year in a *get this* Christ-centered environment.
Hello? Christy? It's God, yep, I'm that good, just thought I'd remind you, ya moron.
It's August 17, 2010 and I work as an executive assistant mon-fri and mentoring specialist on the weekends at the same place. The place where God has called me. The place that He had in mind the whole time I was freaking out. Know what else? I've used everything I learned during my time at Southeastern and at the church I worked at. Amazing! Not only that, working with these boys has taught me what I thought was unattainable; unconditional love. It's crazy, I tell my mom almost every day, I've never loved anyone before like I love these kids. It's like Jesus just leaves His fingerprints all over their faces, they're undeniably beautiful, and His handywork is unfathomably awe-striking. You know that this is *the place* when you don't want to go home and all you want to do is spend all your free time here. Oh and get this, I actually get paid for what I got my degree in. Who woulda thunk it?
Many tears, months of unemployment, loads of uncertainty, a broken heart, dreams seemingly dashed, many many many conversations of second-guessing my decision to come back to Long Island, and one incredibly faithful God (and wonderful friends/family that put up with me through that valley and helped put back the pieces of my broken heart.)
I'm 23, a baby by most standards . . . and life has really just begun for me, all over again. :-)
Vivimos para glorificar Tu Nombre
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