Quitting

Yesterday at work the campus minister (we'll call him "Bob" for the sake of this post) stopped by to cut the boys hair (yes, he now doubles as barber, we all do our part around here.)  After the boys went to bed, he and I talked a bit about what our lives have been like at the ranch since we both started.  "Bob" shared that he appreciated my work there and spent some time encouraging me; he said allot of nice things but the one that stuck with me was a sentiment he shared about quitting.  I'm not sure why this has stayed with me, but Bob said, "After all I've seen you go through here (at the ranch) I'm surprised you didn't quit" to which I replied, "Well, I've never allowed myself to see quitting as an option, because if I consider it as a possibility, I will keep entertaining the thought until I do it."

I continued to share with Bob that God had so clearly brought me here and that my place here, the time that I serve however long or short it may be, is completely up to Him;  "I will stay in this place untill He moves me."  Bob and I talked for a while after that and began to rehash some of the bad things I'd been through while at this job and reminisced over the good things and wonderful boys that have come and gone here since June, when he returned as campus minister.

This is what God has been saying to me last night, it came to me as I was driving home from work, "Love like quitting isn't an option, because chances are, someone else already gave up."  The boys that we serve here are unique in so many ways, to be truthful they're teenagers and are often inconsiderate and unkind.  With this in mind, they're also children who have been hurt and most of them have been neglected and uncared for since birth.  On several occassions I have been so frustrated that I couldn't help but look to the hills, where my help comes from, the Maker of heaven and earth.  At these times of frustration, it's difficult to see why God has me here . . . and then something will happen, it could be small or it could be big.  Last night it was a simple game of cards that I played with a boy I have had difficulties with in the past.  For him to be able to sit there and enjoy a game of rummy 500 with me was a huge step.

It's at times like these that God shows me, "See? This is why you're here, never give up, never back down.  For whom much has been given, much is required.  You have been so filled with love for these boys so that it can spill out onto them that need it the most."  The card game (that we played at the dining room table last night) reminded me of an old sunday school song I used to sing.  In my little impish six-year-old way I would toddle around the house in all my innocense singing, "He brought me to His banqueting table, His banner over me is love."  This sentiment brings tears to my eyes even now; I knew at a very young age that I was loved! Last night, I was sitting at a dining room table (perhaps not quite a banqueting table, but still) with a boy who allowed himself to be shown Christ's Love and couldn't help but be thankful.

God is amazing! He shows me in every day, through every situation and circumstance that He is in control.  I am so grateful that I don't have that position - I could definitely not fill the job description.

His banner over me is Love. :-)